it has been 15 days since i've landed back here in singapore. and yet withdrawal symptoms are still ongoing.

14 days felt like a lifetime. it was surreal. i know i have truly lost myself among my team mates, among the kids, among the nature, and have also rediscovered it along the way. i chanced upon so much more about myself, and never would i imagine that one night i'd be up on the mountains somewhere in philippines in the company of 20 more humans and openly sharing deepest unknown secrets of my life that have been dormant for ever and ever. i would never have allowed so much exposure into myself especially with people i am usually quite distanced from and with my introvert nature i would have easily rejected any forms of disclosing myself too much to others for fear of insecurity and having too much, just too much known to others-

but no. that night, i went on and on about the milestones, had endless words to say and even i was taken aback as my memory flashes itself back to different segments of my life and all the emotions came gushing and breaking through dams of many oceans i have long forgotten or visited; i experienced them as though they were yesterdays, still raw and unbelievably fresh, and it was definitely an awakening of past - the feelings still reside within all the while, waiting to be released

and they did. with people whom i have developed a fastened connection with over the 14 days, and i know, whatever is shared will remain in cebu in the mountains. i am thankful for the presence of these 20 other friends and mentors, and all of your sharing made me understand and discover so much about you, and very much inspired me right deep down in my heart. i will forever remember the warmth, the humanity every night we shared our personal stories and shed light on our lives. now, as i glance at photos of ourselves in cebu, i remember the tears, the smiles, the angst, the happiness, the relief, the love, the courage, the strength, the recognition, the awareness, the determination, the positivism, the hope- all seen, heard and felt by every single one of you, uniquely individual yet collectively.........

(nods head) (: we all know.

thanks guys for the worthwhile journey together, and no amount of words can substantiate the amount of love i have experienced with you all.

TeamCebu2013andbeyond: Ms Darrell-Tiana-Clara-Zandra-Jiawen-Zhiyi-Kai-Diego-Xavier-Mr Ong-Jasmine-Gisele-Suen-Huimin-myself-James-Pingyu-Lindford-Lloyd-Elaine-Yinying-Amanda~










apart from all the discovery, i got to experienced the truest, most down-to-earth form of happiness with the children. yes you guys, my dearest kids. i love and treasure every moment with you all, from all the caught-off guard catching, running, hide-and-seek, singing, dancing, playing, tugging clothes, nagging, laughing, teasing about (secret), mural/face painting, emo-ing, fake emo-ing (ahem), poking, scaring from the bushes, walking back to guesthouse, talking about family and life and school, etc, and even the more silent moments we shared - waves, smiles, raise-the-eyebrows look... i still can vividly remember each and every of your expressions and voices, and the only way not to forget is to look at pictures of our moments together. here is list of dedications!

1.







i miss you tziexiang. your smile always ignite the inner happy me and i am always suaved by the adorableness of it. it's so innocently cute! you always like to have my arms over your shoulders and grabbing them from behind forming an 'X' shape, and running to me and hugging me at super random times, and making me feel really loved :,) hehe, i love your mischievous nature and hopefully you like the plasters i helped you put on on your injured toe and the mosquito repellent patch on your shirt? i should have known how hard it was for you to sketch your family tree sorry.. anyway love watching you draw and seeing your delighted satisfaction after i drew you on the scooter was...ah i'm so happy you like it. you're probably the only kid whom i've carried and hugged so much.. i sometimes secretly hope i can marry you someday. or maybe we were mother-and-son in our past life. hehe. Love you shishashi, and i miss you so so so much. stay jolly. (:

2.





CHRISTIAN CHARLES! you so funny arh. you are the master at all the games we played man. batobatopeek(?)+pepsi cola+hit-all-the-fingers-until-they-crack games...above is a sheer evidence of how much you delight in owning me in batobatopee while i suffer under your amazing, just astounding handslapping power *shudders* you are always so cheery and i will forever remember your high-pitched voice ahahhaa. i think the best moment we've spent together outside of all the games you own me in is one time when i was sitting down you came over and laid your head down on my laps just to rest on it aww again i felt loved and like a motherly figure to you hehe. thanks for being such a joy and fun to be with dear, and i miss you heaps!! can't wait to see you again. the last time i saw you was you with your striking green back running to school in the barangay hall and you turned around smiled when we called you and ran on. stay happy in all simpleness like that forever yeah (:

3.




 Christian Yote (blue one at the left), you should be the most well-behaved boy (with Icris). (: you are so sensible, and continue to be brave with lots of courage yeah. thanks for opening up to me when i went to look for you after you emo-ed, telling me who bullied you, and about your school life and... (hehe, that is a secret between only the two of us yeah!). you are always involving me in group activities by calling out 'CJ, come here' to your side especially during theatre activities, and again, i felt so much warmth hahaha. i love spending time talking to you and i find you particularly mature for your age, or even beyond it. stay strong like a tree yeah like what i drew for you on the card. love you lots, and miss you to the core! <3 br="">

4.
Icris, the most caring, patient, loving brother of all, you win all of my admiration dear. look at you, you've got so much swag in the picture. and omg. your massage. SO GOOD. BEST EVA. i felt like i've ascended the skies and the stars moon everything in space ozone layers whatever when you gave me such awesome massage on my shoulders and face. and then after you were done you clasped your palms together with that super chinese shifu look omg love you to bits. <3 :="" a="" achieve="" all="" am="" amount="" and="" answer="" asked="" basketballer="" be="" becoming="" best="" br="" by="" care="" companion="" compassion="" disposition="" dream="" facebook="" family.="" for="" friend="" future="" get="" good="" great="" grow="" haha="" have.="" have="" here.="" hold="" i="" in="" intelligent="" it="" just="" kay="" know="" life="" like="" love="" loving="" make="" many="" materialise.="" mature="" miss="" night="" of="" on="" only="" others="" parted="" person="" personality="" please="" pro="" promised="" real="" really="" right="" s="" said="" scholar="" so="" someday.="" stunned="" such="" super="" sure="" take="" tender="" that="" the="" to="" touched="" up="" wait="" wanted="" warmed="" was="" we="" what="" when="" will="" wish="" with="" ya.="" yeah="" you="" your="">



5.


ALEEEEEMARRR. i love elongating and shouting your name out loud like this for no obvious reason, and then you would just smile at me with that cool look on your face. i remember during the first few days of arts camp and you were running around with that three other friends of yours hiding and darting behind the truck jumping on it jumping down creeping behind the walls running and just kept running with that bobo boy hahaha ohdear. you remind me of a panda...a red panda haha. the most memorable time with you was after the artscamp at the school i went out alone and saw you walking from sch and just chased after you shouting ALEEMARR crazily and randomly( i must be high) despite your friends being around and we raced and see who could get back to the barangay first admist the rocky terrain omg man it was so fun HAHAHA. and then i got told off for running off on my own blehh but heck it was so worthwhile right alemar glad we had a moment together like that ;) and then even though i suck at basketball when we were practising with mark anthony and yy you always passed the ball back to me after i attempted but failed to score the ball in, and that repeated gestures of yours with a smile always gave me confidence and motivation to keep trying till i get that ball in. thank you so much my dear alemar, you have a good heart. (: be the best basketballer you can be, and i really really miss you. <3 br="">
6. 



Ariel Inocian, you heartthrob of all, gaining so much love from us females....haha. I really enjoyed playing games with you as well (you always win me too sigh, i'm starting to doubt my ability) and even though sometimes you are quiet and much more reserved than the others, you unleash your true energeticness in many activities haha yay you Dela Cruz hero that saves all of us from being killed by the little masked monsters hahaha omg i had a great time acting with you in it, you're a great actor, and hopefully you will be the hero of your own life too, as well! (: your voice is the most beautiful ever it's moderately deep, yet there's a certain resonance to it...and your eyes. they sparkle like stars (cliche analogy again)  buried in the river, not too bright, but......very deep and channeling through a tunnel of mysterious constellations... back into my eyes. wow. haha. stay awesome, cool, and don't break too many hearts in the future yeah. xP love ya, and thanks for walking with us back home on certain occasions and scaring us too with the donaire brothers... hope to see you soon!! <3 br="">



-------pictures with my boys----------------------







my girls dedication -to be continued! stay tuned!

one more paper to go. Math. I don't know, but I'm actually taking time to relax abit now, listening to Vivaldi, and more music. My ears deserve them after a week of cramped studying in that dull atmosphere of 20 deg celcius. I know math will be hard because it was easy last time.

anyway I'm getting a notebook to pen down my daily thoughts as it's more convenient. So I guess I won't be posting here as regularly as before. I need something tangible, an object preferably, that is willing to hear whatever I have to say, and it shall be only accessible by me.

5 subjects over, yet it feels as if all's been done. Hopefully they yield good news? Biology and Chinese were tricky.

Music, I swear we'll be reunited again. After Math releases me.

Haven't been blogging lately. So now it's the March holidays!

Chinese music JA camp is over already.. I sure missed my yangqin rainbows. It was great working with DYMC!

Many things coming up.

March 24 SNYO Mezzo Forte concert: My first concert where I'll be one of the soloists for Vivaldi. really love that piece! It always seems like I have an affinity with it :P Hope the concert goes well :) SOTA!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w7uQlGJeZ4

CAS joint performance on April 4 and 5 with the theatre faculty for their Indonesian Play. Interesting collaboration :)

I'm slacking away my march holidays really. This is bad.

Plus I have a list of to-dos!

1)Learn wushu
2)Learn calligraphy
3)Improve chinese
4) START COMPOSING AGAIN (I found myself lacking the motivation sometimes)

sigh. need to spend time wisely.

Time to make my annual EOY speech again :)

2012 has been a fulfilling challenging year. I got my taste of IBDP, working the heck off my hectic schedule, priorising things above things, navigating between music and the usual stuff, and looking back, it actually wasn't that bad after all. IRE was one tough nut as I got to explore Messiaen (i was a noob at his type of music) more, and I definitely hope I don't have to do Messiaen for EE next year (despite teachers advising me to)...:P

Ah, best parts about 2012:

B2'12. I was one of the quieter ones in class (needless to mention), and by listening to you guys joking/ranting/talking/shouting/screaming haha it was so so amusing and hilarious. I looked forward to each lesson in class because of you guys who never failed to raise the overall spirits and enthusiasm. ARC was one of the best classes ever. And MATH was so much more enjoyable, really, teasing dengster and all that.. Mr Yeo and Ms Melissa are my favourite class mentors. =) Each one of you were easy to open up to and chat with, so Thank you B2 for an amazing fun-filled 2012! I will definitely miss you guys, no other classes will be as awesome as ours. ;)


February 24 2012. I played my Nokia Counterpoint mini composition in class, and it was recognised. Thanks to Dr Tang for acknowledging my ability, it gave me great confidence to strive for whatever to come. Thank you so much. T_T

CIM YCP. Ah. My first trip overseas on a plane alone to America, man I was so brave and independent as I packed maps into my bag, wandering my way through transit airports, taking buses to terminals...Wished I got a chance to explore New York and Chicago too. hehe, I think I impressed myself actually, because I didn't know about my ability to travel independently (i don't even know most of my way around SG).. the one week there was life changing. The most fruitful musical week ever, with new US-sy friends, teachers, mentors, environment...First time having my composition performed on a stage with an audience, and by such wonderful performers as well. Thank you Dr Tang, Miss Yang, and SOTA for allowing me to embark on this summer trip without me paying any expenses at all, hehe. Thanks to my parents for caring so much too!

SNYO Berlin Trip. hahaha, it was extremely enriching. Being able to play Dr Tang's Symphonic Suite in Berlin konzerhaus was so heartwarming as we reminded ourselves of home before national day arrived. All in all, got to know more SNYO friends and understand them better, and our last performance under Darrell's baton. Thank you Darrell for a wonderful time of 'golden era' in SNYO, as you've said. :) I will miss your guidance!

NCMC 2012. Everything I want to say is already mentioned in my previous blog post. :) A challenge, an accomplishment. Trained me mentally and physically. All my time was spent practising. Sacrificed so much. But it was worth it. Very. Without NCMC 2012, I won't be what i am today. Cheers to the years ahead of more music-making on Yangqin and more improvement!


The world not ending. I can't imagine.


worst parts about 2012:


July 31 2012. Got chased out from Music Composition class by Mr S because I was doing Math Exploration Task on my laptop. Sat on the bench listening to Chinese music on my friend's phone for almost 1 hour. At least, the time there was well spent. Wow... first time getting chased out, a very memorable experience..but I apologise for not paying full attention. :P

October 18 2012. Got into a very emotional and heated debate with my chinese teacher about the definition of 'artist' as she doubt my IS teacher is an 'artist'. Cried and ruined the class atmosphere (it was our last chinese class, was about to have a group photo taken). I apologise to everyone who got affected, but sorry, I remain my stand.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2012 made me a tougher person. I grew to be more determined and more certain about my opinions (as seen from Oct 18 incident). I became more bold, more brave, and more rigid about my behaviour and way of thinking. Not necessarily a bad thing, so long as I know how to control it.

Most importantly, I have achieved what I wanted in my musical endeavors, be it composition, yangqin or violin, and that is to be the very best I can be in this field.

I thank everyone who had contributed to making my 2012 a fulfilling one, and the ups and downs had both changed me into a better person. Those had also made me acknowledge myself and better understand my own personality, strengths and weaknesses.

Thence,
Happy Old Year, 2012. :)

"If I fail, If I succeed, at least I live as I believe" - Greatest Love of All

Yours Truly.

2012 Singapore National Chinese Music Competition has finally concluded.

And I have accomplished my dream of two years, after that devastating moment of forgetting a few seconds of my finals piece on stage in 2010 and getting all teared up etc. I was young then and it was my first time in a Yangqin competition, but was still glad I've gained the experience of being with other Yangqin players, learning from them, and attaining an award for my dear old companion at home.

This year, I've seen even more. All the Chinese music enthusiasts gather together despite the hectic workload of average Singaporean students at a common competitive platform to better themselves and produce the fruit of their labour. I've also made friends with some of the talents, heard them play, and stunningly awed by the diversity and level of performances they engaged in. It is such a contrast to being in a school where western music is so much more domineering and where Chinese music is less 'commercially'-emphasized, I should say.

With every competition friendships are formed. These friendships are definitely comforting in times of such serious 'nail-biting' action and together with the mutual support that is evidently present between contestants themselves, we find motivation and determination in all the midst of the tension and nerve-wrecking situations. So a big thank you goes out to my music friends Ping Yu, Yong Yaw, Jue Ru, Chong An, Nicholas, Yayi, etc for all your uplifting and sincere well wishes.

Again, I would like to thank my favourite Yangqin mentor, Qu Laoshi, for always being there for me. T^T

And thank you to my relatives for your support! Especially to Gugu and Wai Wai jiejie for coming to help me (the make-up noob) with my hair and makeup. :)
------------------------------------------------------
During the prize-giving ceremony yesterday, I am so pleasantly honored to be able to share the stage with fellow SOTA percussionists at the end and it is so heartwarming to see that from being on SOTA concert hall stage, we're now together on the SCO stage in the presence of such overwhelming audience. Congratulations to Yuru, Bennett, Danielle, Trina, Grace, and Sabrina for a fantastic performance and for achieving first prize in the percussion category. 新加坡艺术学院中华鼓团 万岁！



Personally, this competition really trained my mental strength. I was also down with fever on the day of my finals and was so depressed the whole morning as I was sure that I would not be able to do well that evening. Despite attempting to fall asleep for some rest, I failed, and was really worn out. My limbs were aching as a result of that fever and my throat was also scorched. However, I still managed to get my feet up and perform adequately (bleh) well on stage with my eyes burning. Fortunately my hands could still feel their way around the instrument. :) Thank God!

And now finally, time for some rest.
Gotta compose, study, practise, and live my life as normal!
Thanks everyone!!!! I will work even harder for competition two years later (uh-oh, IB warning IB warning) :D



Regards!

Helloes.

So most of my schoolmates have already flown to their respective OSL regions. The Cambodia people just flew there yesterday. Really wished I could go, I would definitely learn much. Sigh...

Sacrificed a lot for this year's national chi music competition. SNYO, OSL, London. Three major things in exchange for one. Life is full of sacrifices anyway, there's no way to guarantee that all is well in our hands. But I don't regret at all. Practising daily is a routine filled with the greatest benefits and learning outcomes, and I can fully assure myself that its fruits are in no way diminished in any level compared to the other three.

A week more countdown to the first day of competition. I am really very excited.
During the competition I will not harbor any thoughts about winning or losing or performing badly. My teacher told me that there's nothing to be afraid or nervous of; once I'm on the stage, I'm with music. I am never alone, I am instead facing music, making music, and enjoying music. Music is there for me, and vice versa. So there's actually nothing to fear about. :) This is the essence of performing!

My teacher, in my opinion, is a very very artistically-wise minded person. She is definitely an artist in my opinion. In her words, she said there are three types of creation. The composer's creation (the music), the performer's creation (the interpretation of music) and the audience's creation (the perception of music). These 3 cycles repeat themselves constantly in any areas where performance of music is involved, and isn't it amazing how the music changes but never actually changes at all? Such is another interesting aspect of performance. :)

So, in the midst of practising really hard for the competition, I want to thank my teacher, Qu Lao Shi, who devoted so much patience, time, effort, and wisdom to teaching me, and even overstretching the usual one and a half hours of lesson to a wonderful 2 hr 10 mins. I can't be more grateful for such a great mentor, so thank you again. Also thanks to my parents who provided great advice and feedback about my performance in school, and they will forever be treasured. Regardless of the outcome of the competition, I will always hold the lessons, experiences and learning journey dear to my heart, for without doubt, they will be useful in my future development.

Peace, and thank God for all You've provided for me.
I will strive for the competition. In top form. I promise.

Amen!

Hello everyone,  EOY exams are finally over! It's funny how we can cram a year's worth of knowledge into just one week. Amazing..

I think I did relatively OK for each subject...maybe except math and chem paper 2. But i do hope I scored well for all.

I am most worried for MILP. I really wish I can score for that..

So happy, so much time to do what I love to do.

I am also very grateful that people are admiring my compositions, never would I have thought that people would like it so much.. Thank you all, thank you. I will continue to work hard and improve my writing!






Here are some of my holiday (post EOYS) plans:

1) Practise for Competition
2) Practise violin
3) Practise chinese calligraphy
4) Exercise more
5) Learn Wing Chun
6) Arrange a chinese orch work with Ping Yu for western strings

7) Fight with Ping Yu
8) Attend lots of music concerts!!!!

Awh man, I don't want 2012 to end, I love being in B2, it's the most fun, awesome and united class ever. B2together with the B2vens forever :)

Alright, off to practise now. YST violin concerto finals concert later :) Excited.

Bye!